Stay Of Execution

If there were ever a case for blog euthanasia, this blog would be a prime one.

Why don't I just kill it? Only cos I don't really wanna lose the marktristan address. Tenuous huh. Perhaps one day I'll be relieved I kept it.

Well, the reason for the neglect is because unless you have NO readers (what I originally thought, i.e. some private place to post excerpts from emails and stuff), whether one person reads it or who knows how many - it brings on all this unhelpful self-consciousness. Inevitably I then start playing to the audience a bit. Unconsciously striving to be clever or insightful, not mediocre or anything like that.

Why this still matters to me is a tougher question. If you've ever posted something on a forum and then can't stop logging in to see whether someone's validated your contribution with a response, you know what I mean. Some folks have stat counters to gauge the number of people reading. I work in web analytics so it would be so easy to do the same, but God help me if I really need that as a way of measuring my importance.

Anyway, one thing I do know is, there are n million mostly pathetic personal blogs sitting there in neglect every day. This is surely one of them. It's bad enough that so many would-be bloggers' heads are filled with self-important and waffling nonsense; but how about that we waste even more time writing it down for our friends?

Even so, sometimes I have a thought that I think's worth dwelling on, or a sarcastic take on my or my community's trials and obstacles. Or just a little reflection I wanna write down before it escapes... or before I kid myself that I'll sit down with a paper journal and note it down (even better, 'pray about it') later.

And I can honestly say I've been blessed reading some friends' (and strangers') blogs, no matter how rubbish they declaim them to be.

So if I can forget the self consciousness, ("what will this post add to/subtract from people's image of me?"),

and if you're not resolutely put off ever viewing this again,

I'm planning to postpone the euthanasia just yet.

conversations

with my band mates Jon Rees and Jon Blake last night

- (me) "crimbo"...ugh, i hate that word.
- (JR) i love it! what's wrong with "crimbo"? oh, you think it whould be kept as "christ"-mas...?
- no, far from it! i don't have to defend God by battling to keep his name in everything... i just think it's a silly, cringing word, i know what it means but i just cringe every time i hear it! it's like, hmm example, uh..."jim-jams"
- But I LOVE "jim-jams"!
- really?! hey Jon, you could try and go about your whole daily business one day using these kinds of words wherever possible, see what other reactions you get. "Hello, National Rail Enquiries? When is the next choo-choo to London?"
- (warming to the theme) Well quite! And THESE..(holds up hand).. they're not fingers.. they're FINGIES!

Later....

- (me) Well, that song will just have to wait until I've managed to borrow a proper accordion, or harmonium, or..
- (JB, interrupting) Did I ever tell you my idea for an instrument called the "pandamonium"?
- (starting to collapse into laughter...) pandemonium? what, where you would squeeze and pull a panda until a sound comes out?
- You'd need more than one panda! It would have giant keys which prodded or poked pandas -- of various sizes, of course, to produce different notes...in fact, you'd pretty much need the whole width of the stage for it...
- (in near hysterics)...not to mention most of the world's remaining supply of pandas!?
- But they'll love it!, i mean, who doesn't want to work in the music business?!?

"trivia"

A loaded word! It hints that there's not much more than amusement, maybe even vanity, to the pursuit of diverse facts and information. I do this a lot, I enjoy finding out about new things, but I sometimes have an angst about this habit -- I wonder if it's just dilettantism, a weakness rather than a strength.

So it was an encouragement to read this, on Copyblogger this morning:

Where Do We Find Inspiration?

Where do you discover your own creative angles for content? Carl Ally, an advertising legend, offered this insight:

The creative person wants to be a know-it-all. He wants to know about all kinds of things—ancient history, nineteenth century mathematics, current manufacturing techniques, hog futures. Because he never knows when these ideas might come together to form a new idea. It may happen six minutes later, or six months, or six years. But he has faith that it will happen.

In other words, what you learn outside of your niche may well be more important than your substantive expertise. Read everything you can across diverse topic areas, and live life to the fullest for inspiration at every turn.

"How are you feeling about Via ending?"

MarkC says:
Very good actually
It has been wonderful doing the course, and the ending has been very good too: a sense of transition, learning the important lessons of this year and looking ahead to the next phase
So no big lumps in throat or unfinished business, just a job really well done by all!

citizenship

today I had my first experience of a British Citizenship ceremony.

I was there as guest & witness for my friend Paul. It was a formal but relaxed occasion, though I could see it was emotional for some, of course. There were 28 people from 18 countries. In Bristol, a ceremony like this happens every week for a similar number of people.

It began with the Lord Mayor of Bristol entering in robes and a feathery black hat. He then removed the (frankly enormous) hat, and told a joke to relax everybody before addressing the group and mentioning their privileges as new British citizens.

The four things he mentioned: (1) Britons are equal before the law, (2) have freedom of speech, (3) freedom of religion and (4) the opportunity to vote and take part in democracy.

The new citizens all read out a 'Pledge Of Allegiance' together, then the Mayor gave each individual a certificate, plus a gift from the City of Bristol: a medal engraved with the coat of arms and, on reverse, the Clifton Suspension Bridge.



The funniest thing was the National Anthem. I expected everyone would sing it. You know, for the first time, burst into the national song as a freshly acknowledge citizen. But it was played on a stereo, instrumental version only -- no words were provided, and everyone seemed unsure whether or not they were supposed to join in. So the whole room stood (very Britishly) tight-lipped, but proud, as the recorded brass band played.


By the way - in the photographs afterwards, everyone wanted to be pictured trying on the hat.

The ceremony was rounded off with some generous, good quality tea and cakes. OF COURSE tea; one of the most recognisably British parts of the whole thing.

I wonder what it is like doing this in other countries?

mute math

this week, one of the best live music shows I've ever witnessed...

It was Mute Math playing at the Carling Academy 2 in Bristol. I knew they would be good cos I already like the band, but the passion, eccentricity and sheer energy of their live performance was staggering!

Even more so when you think they must do it so often on tour. They play big TV shows and festivals in USA but they give just as much commitment playing to a small sweaty crowd in a dark bar room one weekday night in England.

They're from New Orleans and I got to ask their drummer Darren about not only a host of great drumming questions, but also about Hurricane Katrina, how it affected them. According to Darren it was pretty much Katrina that forced them out on the road to play all these tours.

When the band came on stage I could hardly see anything: a security guard was insisting this black curtain stayed in place, right up to the edge of the stage. But after two songs the security guard relented, because the band themselves kept pulling the curtain back. Then two people departed the crowd in front of me and I suddenly found myself right up close...



Mute Math are fronted by a guy playing keyboard and keytar whilst leaping about singing. I mentioned passion and commitment right?--here he is somersaulting over his Fender Rhodes mid-song...



OK so I know it's part theatrical but they weren't just going through the motions, they were giving it 100%. Towards the climax of the show they ended up pulling the drumkit apart and playing it all over the stage, and by the end there was one sprawling drummer and not a lot of kit left standing...



I talked to the drummer afterwards, he took time to come out and meet fans and was so gentle and approachable (he must only be a psycho when he plays drums :). I was struck by how although everyone was there to congratulate the band and tell him how awesome he was, he took an interest in everyone he met: asked about them, what they do, where they came from and so on. I can't help feeling if I'd just played a show like that it would be easy to get overconfident and forget your humility.



The other thing I realised as I came home is that my ears were ringing and I too was utterly exhausted, my shirt soaked, but feeling absolutely exhilarated. It's amazing how with a good live show you get so into it, the sensory stimulation is almost too much (hence the ringing ears) but you just want more and more, can't stop leaping and dancing, it's crazy! Sometimes good music performances leave me a bit despondent, you know "will I/we ever be as good as that?", but after this show I went home feeling uplifted and somewhere along the line believing that God is glorified when someone takes their gifts and uses them really, really well. And that's something I can hope to do too.

If you've not seen or heard Mute Math before, a great place to start would be this video for their single 'Typical'.

ukraine...

I hope I will be able to write here again in May, (though it still wont be very often, lol), but for the next 3 weeks I am going to Ukraine. First week: Kyiv, living on a boat:), second week Odesa, staying at a youth camp attached to orphanage, third week Kremenchuk in central Ukraine which we don't know much about yet :). We're planning to be back on 14th May.

I'm grateful to all the people who supported my premium moustache-growing. We have enough funds now so everyone's sponsor money will go directly as gifts to Ukraine. As for the 'tache itself, well, I didn't shave it yet (until all my sponsors could see it!) and am wondering how much longer I'll keep it -- whether I can get anywhere close to the Cossack guy (below), who has twirls on his? Hmmm. Don't know if I'll have any computer access in Ukraine but if i do, i'll try and put something up about our progress. Respect and prayers go out to my sisters and brothers on the team, Andrea, Becki, Casey, Tom and Nic, I hope we'll be "as one body" throughout! Respect most of all to Jesus, cos we're ultimately in His grip.

Manymany thanks to all supporters of Via and me!

MARCH MOUSTACHE MADNESS!

So if any of you dear readers missed the announcement last Sunday, here's why Tom & I (and various other Vineyard males) are starting to sport moustaches...

The last two years, hair/beards (and the sponsored growing & shaving of,) have played a role in Form/Via support raising for international mission. So this year, what with our trip to Ukraine happening a bit earlier in the year (April), Tom and I have dedicated March to the comical and sometimes uncomfortable task of growing moustaches!

That's right, from 1st to 31st of March not one blade will touch the upper lip (and general handlebar area). Maybe we're inspired by the Cossack tradition of our destination -- (see pic) -- alternatively, we might just be mad...

Either way, we're inviting you to either:

Sponsor Tom & I! You'll get the amusement and the joy of helping us in our mission to Ukraine -- we'll get the comments and funny stares...

OR... what we're really hoping some of you will do is...

Join us! Are you male? Is the cultivation of a 'tache within your powers? This way we can reach a lot more people, raise more support and enjoy your solidarity too :) There are already two brave guys at my work joining us, you can get sponsor forms from Tom or me so that family friends and whoever you meet can get their money's worth too, watching a lovely moustache develop between now and April!

It's worth noting that all surplus above our travel/accom. costs will go as gifts to the orphanage and new church plants in Ukraine.

Rumour has it Andrew might be joining in too?? (unconfirmed)...

Any questions about the ministry trip, the challenge, or moustaches in general, please ask a member of the Via team!

bummer

drove all the way to gatwick to meet dust'n'amy and their 18-mth old daughter sadie. i waited, waited, but they didn't emerge... turns out their airline overbooked and left them stranded at the beginning of a four-leg journey home. for me, a 300 mile round trip for nothing was no fun, but of course that's nothing on the awkwardness for them of having to rebook the whole thing, and her being 35 weeks pregnant. that's what we technically call a major bummer.

I was too tired to complete the drive back, so I stopped at a service station and slept in my car. It was supposed to be a snooze but I woke up hours later feeling very chilly, and realised it had snowed overnight.

Last night I got the news that Luke and Nads are moving to London, so I guess I'll be moving too, a lot sooner that expected. Another new chapter on its way for all of us!

once a week I meet up with a good friend for lunch, chat, prayer and accountability. I've been missing it the last few weeks and it was great to be able to do that again today.

As we prayed together at the end I felt God spoke through a picture that came to mind. The picture was of a sieve mesh. It seemed such a lot of wire, and so intricately woven. As my view moved closer, however, I could see what was on the other side of the mesh more clearly, as my focus moved from the individual wires to the coalescing shapes beyond. I think God was saying to us both:

the closer you draw to me, the clearer you will be able to see what's really surrounding you.

And with it, the less burden from all the detail that's the only thing we can focus on right now.

the re-beginning of.

this morning, riding to work, a stunning rainbow was visible over east Bristol. Had it lingered I might have taken out my camera phone, but as rain set in I thought perhaps it's just a timely reminder of (1) the covenant we have with God and (2) the opportunity this time of year presents to make a new start.

Funny that, because I tend to think of years more as Sep-July than Jan-Dec; nevertheless, the 'official' New Years provokes reflection (which in my case often turns up a melancholy from the nagging of things I've not changed, grown in or accomplished), and (on a more positive note) a renewed focus on the hows and whys of what I would like to change. --(In which vein, let's get my regrets out of the way for such lack of blogging over the richly featured last 3 months...it seems I just can't react and process in time to capture anywhere near as much as I'd like to here).-- So, having sieved through the melancholy and picked out some nuggets, today I've been thinking through what personal resolutions to make for 2007. Some more important than others. In no particular order...

garden, sow things, grow things. The last couple of summers I've felt a pang every time I look at a garden book or think of home-grown herbs, tomatoes etc., knowing that I've been too easily put off by the lack of ready soil in the gardens and the disruption of moving house. Well: this year I'm planning to make the most of a diverse bunch of seeds I've accumulated in the last two years, and start tomatoes, chiles, beans, herbs and peas on time according to the new little garden book my Mum gifted me over Yule. For me, growing things really is enjoyable, stressless and therapeutic. I'm sticking to edible things though (rewarding my taste-buds and complementing my vision for a more sustainable food system) -- can't see me graduating to flower beds any time soon :)

the study component of Via. what I've got from Via so far has been awesome but i've let the pace of life rule me and have barely taken time to reflect on and investigate what I'm learning. This pattern, if it continues, won't stop me taking in from the remaining 2/3rds of Via but it will certainly limit what I'm becoming through doing the course. Anybody who's asked me why I'm doing Via knows that my goal is to become a better more integrated follower of Jesus -- which just won't work out through top-heavy knowledge.

rest in the rhythm. even after a few days of quiet and rest, people are saying i seem and look tired. If the answer's not a prolonged further retreat, (o for the time and opportunity, and me unmarried without kids!) then I've a feeling I know where the lasting solution lies. I can make progress in finding and obeying the rhythm Jesus would have me live, obeying in the face of distraction (but still allowing the overrule of God-given compassion). If that sounds like a tricky balance to find, and if I'll inevitably err to begin with, I guess if I'm serious about producing change then I need to let myself err in the direction of rest sometimes, rather than continue erring in the same direction I always have done.

needing and inviting God. prioritising the relationship. If I suffer in my relationship with God, I'm sure that its because I actually have the nerve to not invite him in at all sometimes, that's right, I exclude my dear father altogether at times! I really am shocked by the realisation that, despite my prefession of Jesus as Lord, I really do act in a way that often says to Him: sorry, you're not invited. How do I expect to change this? ...I suppose as with any change, it's a case of repent and believe: repenting of the (dis-)belief that I need think my own thoughts and do my own thing for a while before surrendering to Him... and start believing that time spent with God is never wasted, that I can't possibly see and taste the riches of that relationship until I invest the time & attention, and that it's impossible to forecast a surrender in our minds when what we (or rather I) need to do is surrender now in every particular and there FIND my life not LOSE it.

OK I've given myself a bit of a pep talk there... Time to start living up to it if I can.

(And I surely can if, as I suspect, it's not so much a matter of resources but of will!).

i'm sorry for the lightweight content just at the moment. it belies that there is heaps going on, just not time to write about it!

:-$ m

tabloid exclusive:

this was a real Charlie and the Chocolate Factory moment

Martin brought me back from New Zealand one of the most impressive, sumptuously-wrapped chocolate bars I have ever had the pleasure of receiving...

baptism joy!

 Luke  Nads

A great occasion! This took place at Alma with many guests and a celebration afterwards at a restaurant on Whiteladies Road.

Meanwhile -- Via has started superbly, certainly with lots to chew on already. I am setting up a photo album online for that... will post in comments when I know what web address that will be :). On Friday night we had a fun/social thing but also with a bit of meaning: we built a shelter from tree-branches in nictom's backyard and ate dinner in it, in recognition of the jewish festival of Sukkot. I guess that'll be the last barbecue of the year ;), but not only was God kind to us with the weather, we also had a great star-field to gaze up at through the branches. Love, Mark

just a quicky to say: Loney, Dear at The Louisiana last night was awesome. I only knew four of his songs beforehand but the rest were absolutely enchanting and it was one of the best live things I've seen in Bristol. Being on the guest list was the icing on the cake!