January 2005

I began 2005 in a pretty low mood. I had had a gloomy time at Christmas and New Year and was beset by worries and lusts.
I got on with painting my room and fixing the picture rail and shelf, etc. Meanwhile I still had stuff in boxes ready to be shifted around for the plumbers and handymen.
I was listening to Joni Mitchell 'Court and Spark'; Word of Mouth (Angela McCluskey, Memory Band, Jem etc)
Andy and I took a couple of days off to put up the shed. I was really impatient with Andy at that time, and during one argument we were having, I crashed my car at B&Q, damaging the front wheel and suspension.
Paul and I went to Louis Edwards' open mic in Clifton. Meanwhile we also found the garage in St George which was to become our music practice room.
JR and I started meeting up to learn and practice The Sky Is Blue songs for the Bordello gig in March.
One morning after a dental appointment I joined Emma Sofia and Rachael at the church office, so that we could go to the Horfield Post Office to surprise Emelie with a cake and a song for her 21st birthday! Later that week we had a Swedish-themed housegroup evening for Angela's birthday. I practiced music with Jonathan Morgan for the Sunday services. I was enjoying making friends with Jonathan and the Form girls but also began to feel sorry for myself that my new friends would leave Bristol in the summer just as I was really getting to know them.
Towards the end of the month I began to connect with God again, and managed to put my lusts behind me for a while. I was hungry for God and fed up with feeling low and sorry for myself. I began writing in this blog to try and capture those moments of closeness with God and scripture. Even so, I still could not help feeling a little envious as several of my peers went to Brounemouth for the Vineyard National Leaders' Conference. For the 3rd year running I was not able to come and I didn't feel like a leader anyway, I felt like a struggling Christian in a state of emotional and behavioural confusion.